MORTIMER-II

He had a full competition suspension (springs & adjustable shocks), and high compression pistons, with a "big valve" head and racing cams from Sperry Valve Works. Unfortunately, in May of 1994 he was EATEN ! or rather he was "rear-ended" by a Buick while sitting at a toll booth on the Goethels Bridge on his way to a weekend of fun & games with PDA at the (in)Famous Bridgehampton Race Circuit. He had been out of the body/paint shop less than 2 weeks and he looked resplendent in his new red, white, and green paint scheme.

The "bad news" was the insurance company said he was totalled. The "good news" was they were very sympathetic to his plight, (new paint job and all), so they were very generous in their settlement AND we got to keep MORTIMER-I .

More bad news.. we had no more GTV's laying about so what to do with all of Mortimers "go fast parts" ?

More good news. A friend, of a friend, of a friend, etc. has a 69 Berlina that just "died one day" and for only $150 we can just ... "take it out of his driveway".

A BERLINA ? Why not ! Look at all the room in the back seat for spare parts and Race Rubber !

The Berlina's body (by Alfa standards anyway), had no rust, no dings, no dents. and no missing parts. He hadn't really died, his "heart" just gave out ! All he needed was a new fuel pump and battery ! He even had his original , but very heavy, undercoating still intact. A few hours on the rack with 250+ degrees of steam and the undercoating peeled away to reveal a flawless (and much lighter), undercarriage. A few days to swap out the rear end , the front and rear suspensions, minus the springbuckets of course ! (so what if the oil pan is only "2 fingers" off the ground , IF the suspension only travels "1 finger "!) In goes the HOT 2 liter motor from MORTIMER-I and we've got one QUICK Berlina !

Now it's off to the paint shop. Well, actually to the Coast Guard Station at Floyd Bennet Field. If this guy can paint helicopters, he should be able to paint a 4-door-brick-with-wheels ! If MORTIMER-II has the guts from MORTIMER-I, he must have the outter skin too, so we change the paint scheme a bit for the modified body style,but he's red, white and green. No mistaking the family resemblance here !

We decide to drive MORTIMER to the Alfa Owners Convention in Atlanta, (like in ROAD ATLANTA !) Only problem was that we would certainly NOT survive the trip in our $60 fiberglass racing seats. So we trek over to visit the Colosaco brothers at Euro-Tech , to see if they have anything that might work. Maybe a nice set of soft, Ricaros out of an Alfa Milano or something ?

Well... what they had (just laying around), was a gorgeous set of fully reclining, Carbon Fiber, RED, racing seats out of a FERRARI F40 of all things ! Once I saw these seats, I knew that there was absolutely NO WAY that MORTIMER was NOT going to get them !

The only problem was that because of their offset, we had to mount them backwards !

NO ! .. NOT facing the back window, but reversing which side they went on !

YES !.... the INSIDE , but with the drivers side seat on the passengers side of the car.

I'm not sure if these seats FEEL as good as they LOOK , or LOOK as good as they FEEL ? Either way, how many NON-F-40's do you know of that can boast of having a PAIR of these seats ? Ferrari owners have been known to look at these seats in MORTIMER and turn B.R.G. with envy :-)

We next turn our attention to reducing MORTIMER's Lap Times. We could do the normal thing and pay "big-bucks" for a Race Prepared fuel injection pump, but that will only slightly increase our terminal velocity. Maybe we'd be better off if we could just make MORTIMER 'stop' a little better ?

A LITTLE BETTER ? So we spend "$mega-bucks$" and put on a set of JFZ NASCAR Brakes !

Vented Fronts, cross drilled rears, 4 piston MONSTERS with 4.5 x 2.0 inch brake pads ! These pads are SO... big, that the entire set of stock Alfa pads (from all 4 wheels ! ) fit on just one set of JFZ pads ! Of course we have to use the softest brake pads known to man, but one set lasts an entire season.

But...more bad news ! The stock (re. tiny ) Alfa master cylinder just "ain't gonna cut it" ! More good news. Tilton will be more than happy to sell us a PAIR of 3/4 inch master cylinders and balance bar. A few minor modifications to the brake lines and such, and we've got two Tiltons "hung off" the old , and now non-functioning, brake booster canister.

The brakes work like an ON/OFF Switch and it takes the same pedal effort (CONSIDERABLE !) to haul this thing down from 130 (his TOP speed !) as it does to keep it from rolling down a hill. Hit these brakes without your seatbelts on and your face WILL meet the windshield !

Limerock has brake markers starting at '5' and going down to '1'. We use to brake right around the '4' mark. We now brake on the otherside of the '1' mark !

At the Alfa Owners Club Driving School at Road Atlanta in July, there was more than one driver ,who had been behind us and wanted to know - "Just how long AFTER I hit the brakes, do the brake lights actually come on ?" They couldn't believe HOW DEEP you could drive MORTIMER into a turn before "throwing out the anchor". Once we showed them just HOW BIG the anchors were, they simply walked away, shaking their heads.

We had three drivers share the car ALL day in 100+ degree heat . None of us had ever driven Road Atlanta before, but we managed to run respectable times in the 109 (seconds) range. Our class at the Time Trials the next day ,was won with a time of 110, but unfortunately we couldn't stay for the Time Trials as we had to DRIVE Mortimer home to be at Brigdehampton on Monday !

We DROVE it to Atlanta (from New Jersey), beat the HELL out of it ALL DAY at Road Atlanta, then drove it back home and beat some more out of it at Bridgehampton, all in one week and MORTIMER loved every minute of it !

Mortimer II is "dead neutral", with stock sway bars, heavy duty springs and the shocks set hard front , soft rear and the gas pedal always set "on the floor". Mortimer could care less if you go into a turn too early or too late ! A little more throttle or a little more steering corrects just about any mistake you make. He also doesn't seem to mind if you occassionally go from forth to third when you really wanted fifth ! The motor "zings" to over 7000 with no ill effects so far and we haven't touched the motor since we first built it 3 years ago.

About the only problem that we have encountered, has been with the engines operating temperature. Initially it insisted on running at 220 degrees... all the time ! It didn't seem to hurt anything but 220 is just a wee bit high for an Alfa motor. After eliminating all of the obvious causes, we opted for a triple core radiator, angle-mounted for better air contact, and an electric fan. This brought it down to 210 degrees and running straight distilled water and a product we got from IMP called "WaterWetter", we dropped it down to right around 200 degrees. It now runs just fine at a constant 200 degrees, regardless of the ambient temp. or the load, (highway cruising or racing). But for those hot Sunday nights sitting in Long Island ExpressWay (sic) traffic, we added a water injector system that shoots water directly onto the top of the radiator which takes 20 degrees out of it with a couple of "squirts". We modified the hood latches so that the back of the hood can be left open about an inch to vacate the hot air from the engine compartment and a GTV-6 rear muffler heat shield was cannibalized to keep the header heat away from our master cylinders and brake fluid reservoirs !

Again, looks wierd, works great !

Come to think of it, "looks wierd, works great" just about sums up MORTIMER II .......

Mortimer is certainly NOT one of the faster cars to come to our PDA Driving Schools, but I doubt very much if ANYONE has MORE FUN than we do, especially when we're at Bridgehampton playing "bumper-tag" with Ed and his race-prepared Alfa Romeo Pickup Truck !